05 3 / 2014
Schrodinger’s Douchebag: One who makes douchebag statements, particularly sexist, racist or otherwise bigoted ones, then decides whether they were “just joking” or dead serious based on whether other people in the group approve or not.
MOVING THIS INTO CIRCULATION IMMEDIATELY.
13 2 / 2014
04 2 / 2014
In order to become the supreme adult, you must perform the seven wonders:
- Public speaking
- Not being afraid of teenagers
- Calling the doctor yourself
- Arguing without crying
- Having a normal sleep pattern
- Having an answer to the question ‘what do you want to do with your life?’
Once you have become supreme adult, you can then partake in the seven wonders:
- Telling other people your opinion without them being able to talk back. The only reason to master public speaking.
- Waving at a group of teenagers sarcastically. Sorry guys, it’s funny.
- Not googling illnesses. Good for the brain.
- Whining to other adults about taxes. Therapeutic.
- Crying in the toilet after arguing. All adults do this. It’s a fact.
- Staying up till 2am and feeling really naughty again instead of stuck in a permanent daze of mediocrity.
- Knowing the answer to the question, ‘what do you want to do with your life?’ is ‘fuck only knows. I know what I want to do for the next ten years, but then there’s like 50 more years after that so whatever!’ and being totally good with that.
Idk guys adult-ing is mostly really boring, so you gotta make it fun.